Monthly Archives: January 2019

Thoughts a scanner might have

Someone tells her “i care about you” and she sees their mental image of herself as more frail and helpless than she actually is (ex as a big eye picture), and feels the rush of squee, horniness, etc that the img provokes in them and realizes this is what they mean, and all they mean. It is disconnected to the real issue–she sees through ppls fakery–and the connection is exactly what they’re blanking out on

Sees ppls fantasies of her, everything from constant barrage of sex to projections of other ppl (ex. Someone’s daughter, they treat her as if she is, she wonders if she really is). They run together and remix (“no distinct personality of your own”–it’s buried under all that).

She tries bonding with one person, hoping this will shut out all the other voices. Has had several bad relationships this way. Used as spy etc, got into creepy self help with partner (co-counseling), exploited for “treatments”, super paranoid partner who claims to understand her predicament but does not, blamed, tries to prove her situation is real by scanning someone but is accused of using social machinations to get the info …

Scanning symptoms could be ocular migranes or similar (perhaps meaningful) sensory distortion, bleeding fantasy blood from a different place, nausea onset, localized body pain (if being scanned for limbic activity, or as an or accompanying an attack)

She might think someone’s intense fantasy of her is actually happening. Leads to perps blaming everything on her scan, as if it makes her delusional. Ex, an authority figure at a school etc, fantasizes about bending her over his desk while he’s gloating and humiliating her in his office. She sees the images and thinks she is spectatoring as it really happens. Her assertion of “stop” is then a “false accusation”.

Villain would enjoy sucking victims’ brains dry just for the fun of it. Have tasty victims brought in on a platter. (“we can be friends…let’s hang out together. Why don’t you think about…” this is how she treats female victims. Male?) Mean girl would work her generals over scanning for disloyalty and make a show of executing one [@study more supervillain tropes, copy nazi behavior from sobibor]. Believes the more victims she consumes, the more power over reality she has, and the “just better” she is. Walks throuth the market randomly smiting ppl, making the buskers train wreck, getting unfair deals, etc.

@ruth used various disempowered mistresses &or (de facto) slaves for the ass end of his hacks. There were more than two, including 1+ who scanned their moms in utero and killed them, and the possibility of more supers still on ice. Has controlling, punitive child rearing philosophy which initially produces either brokenness and helplessness (protag) or nihilistic rebellion (villain). @cameron must mature into calm, self-directed defiance. @darryl blanks out and refuses. Must follow @darryls lifelong escalation of blankouts, key incidents illustrated in coscans and flashbacks. @cameron accepts guidance and support (address trust issues), @darryl considers herself above it.

-what is the nature of the utopia imagined by each of the two? @ruth: “co-scanning will make feelings and information free, reveal the truth, knock down the boundaries between us, and elevate us as a species, and i will get the credit and reward for all of it.” @darryl: “only a dictator can save the world. Someone has to eventually take power. Anyone who leaves an opportunity to take it for themselves on the table is a fool.”

-how did they separate from @ruth, and what were their childhoods like before and after? How old was @cameron when abandoned, or did she/they run? How did it happen (“mall” dumped by desperate mom? Chased out by her new boyfriend? Got scan-confused, wandered off and never found again? Off and on in the home &or facilities?) tried to raise @darryl normally and failed, then gave up? How many unaware &or undocumented (four states) ones are there?

Did @ruth &or the moms use @ephemerol in unhealthy ways against kids? While and after they were figuring it all out? By desperate undocumented moms? Constant dosing, then one day it slips? Then they find out, or think they’re dying (“my ms is out of control, I’m having an attack!”)

Varied effects with long term or pulsed use, dosages, stacks? Source–@darryl controls supply, alt supply with conatraints, substitutes?

In real Scanners, why is big Darryl in the facility? Why did he wait so long to start using his scan as a weapon? [did or could he self-harm directly with it?] “he used to be self-destructive, now he is simply destructive” implies a self-hatred that he turned onto the world. My take, that sounds like a follower, that’s the kind of rage a ringleader harnesses and shapes (hello, minions). A ringleader becomes a dedicated troll early. has lulz seeking experiences and starts the blankout cycle perhaps even preverbally, has an org chart of flunkies and a few practice runs by the time they get to where @darryl is at the start of my story. For her exp, maybe she used her scan to legitimately win one on the cold and abusive @ruth. Now she feels unsafe, and in turn, ashamed, if a chink can be found in her scan armor. (“It’s a mean world out there.” mockingly quote these helpful folks.) By controlling everyone in proximity, she can control the discomfort and challenges of her own scan management (without dosing, which us for the little people).

And of course, she figured out very early that her scan can get her goodies. Not just the goodies themselves, but she is “just better” because she can and that is precisely what she will not give up. Regardless of the rich rewards she can see are available to @cameron for taking the alternative path.

@kim is all about leadership vaccuum. Ellen Pao, she had the luck and privilege and said, for the sake of the world i love, why not me? Show some good parents, ones who respectfully helped their children learn to handle their scan, some positive attitudes to contrast the villains. Many parents etc have been killed &or traumatized by goons, scan mishaps, etc. @kim is playing the finder to recreate what she had in her family, and to buffer herself and others against further damage.