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Thoughts a scanner might have

Someone tells her “i care about you” and she sees their mental image of herself as more frail and helpless than she actually is (ex as a big eye picture), and feels the rush of squee, horniness, etc that the img provokes in them and realizes this is what they mean, and all they mean. It is disconnected to the real issue–she sees through ppls fakery–and the connection is exactly what they’re blanking out on

Sees ppls fantasies of her, everything from constant barrage of sex to projections of other ppl (ex. Someone’s daughter, they treat her as if she is, she wonders if she really is). They run together and remix (“no distinct personality of your own”–it’s buried under all that).

She tries bonding with one person, hoping this will shut out all the other voices. Has had several bad relationships this way. Used as spy etc, got into creepy self help with partner (co-counseling), exploited for “treatments”, super paranoid partner who claims to understand her predicament but does not, blamed, tries to prove her situation is real by scanning someone but is accused of using social machinations to get the info …

Scanning symptoms could be ocular migranes or similar (perhaps meaningful) sensory distortion, bleeding fantasy blood from a different place, nausea onset, localized body pain (if being scanned for limbic activity, or as an or accompanying an attack)

She might think someone’s intense fantasy of her is actually happening. Leads to perps blaming everything on her scan, as if it makes her delusional. Ex, an authority figure at a school etc, fantasizes about bending her over his desk while he’s gloating and humiliating her in his office. She sees the images and thinks she is spectatoring as it really happens. Her assertion of “stop” is then a “false accusation”.

Villain would enjoy sucking victims’ brains dry just for the fun of it. Have tasty victims brought in on a platter. (“we can be friends…let’s hang out together. Why don’t you think about…” this is how she treats female victims. Male?) Mean girl would work her generals over scanning for disloyalty and make a show of executing one [@study more supervillain tropes, copy nazi behavior from sobibor]. Believes the more victims she consumes, the more power over reality she has, and the “just better” she is. Walks throuth the market randomly smiting ppl, making the buskers train wreck, getting unfair deals, etc.

@ruth used various disempowered mistresses &or (de facto) slaves for the ass end of his hacks. There were more than two, including 1+ who scanned their moms in utero and killed them, and the possibility of more supers still on ice. Has controlling, punitive child rearing philosophy which initially produces either brokenness and helplessness (protag) or nihilistic rebellion (villain). @cameron must mature into calm, self-directed defiance. @darryl blanks out and refuses. Must follow @darryls lifelong escalation of blankouts, key incidents illustrated in coscans and flashbacks. @cameron accepts guidance and support (address trust issues), @darryl considers herself above it.

-what is the nature of the utopia imagined by each of the two? @ruth: “co-scanning will make feelings and information free, reveal the truth, knock down the boundaries between us, and elevate us as a species, and i will get the credit and reward for all of it.” @darryl: “only a dictator can save the world. Someone has to eventually take power. Anyone who leaves an opportunity to take it for themselves on the table is a fool.”

-how did they separate from @ruth, and what were their childhoods like before and after? How old was @cameron when abandoned, or did she/they run? How did it happen (“mall” dumped by desperate mom? Chased out by her new boyfriend? Got scan-confused, wandered off and never found again? Off and on in the home &or facilities?) tried to raise @darryl normally and failed, then gave up? How many unaware &or undocumented (four states) ones are there?

Did @ruth &or the moms use @ephemerol in unhealthy ways against kids? While and after they were figuring it all out? By desperate undocumented moms? Constant dosing, then one day it slips? Then they find out, or think they’re dying (“my ms is out of control, I’m having an attack!”)

Varied effects with long term or pulsed use, dosages, stacks? Source–@darryl controls supply, alt supply with conatraints, substitutes?

In real Scanners, why is big Darryl in the facility? Why did he wait so long to start using his scan as a weapon? [did or could he self-harm directly with it?] “he used to be self-destructive, now he is simply destructive” implies a self-hatred that he turned onto the world. My take, that sounds like a follower, that’s the kind of rage a ringleader harnesses and shapes (hello, minions). A ringleader becomes a dedicated troll early. has lulz seeking experiences and starts the blankout cycle perhaps even preverbally, has an org chart of flunkies and a few practice runs by the time they get to where @darryl is at the start of my story. For her exp, maybe she used her scan to legitimately win one on the cold and abusive @ruth. Now she feels unsafe, and in turn, ashamed, if a chink can be found in her scan armor. (“It’s a mean world out there.” mockingly quote these helpful folks.) By controlling everyone in proximity, she can control the discomfort and challenges of her own scan management (without dosing, which us for the little people).

And of course, she figured out very early that her scan can get her goodies. Not just the goodies themselves, but she is “just better” because she can and that is precisely what she will not give up. Regardless of the rich rewards she can see are available to @cameron for taking the alternative path.

@kim is all about leadership vaccuum. Ellen Pao, she had the luck and privilege and said, for the sake of the world i love, why not me? Show some good parents, ones who respectfully helped their children learn to handle their scan, some positive attitudes to contrast the villains. Many parents etc have been killed &or traumatized by goons, scan mishaps, etc. @kim is playing the finder to recreate what she had in her family, and to buffer herself and others against further damage.


Some book and hypno script notes

parting shot of virtual worlds: she is in the lobby basically alone (others stepped off to the side, or left). In a recap of the moment she first uploaded, when some random punk walks by and gives her a shove for no reason, it happens again–only this time, she takes a quick glance to make sure no one else (in particular, the love interest) can see, then in a genuine rage threatens and intimidates the hell out of the punk (grbs him by the hair, you don’t fuck with me you goddamn brat) and sends him packing, wide eyed and terrified. When he’s in turn out of sight and she is really alone, she breathes a sigh of relief, thinks to herself “look at all this free, open unobstrucred space around me” and starts dancing (although kind of stiffly, because her joy is tainted. It has been a phyrric victory.) The message: she has solved her own immediate problem, but at the cost of becoming part of the larger problem, because there is no other path to her goal of being a code contributor. It is literally the armor she needs to cross the hostile terrain, and it’s the terrain builders that are at fault. Book 2: at the midway crisis point, he sees security footage/etc of this, and does indeed leave her over it (what he truly can’t accept/blanks out on/blames her for is that the culture pushes women down that path).
maybe she has been seen dancing similarly and put down for it before.

@scanners episode: by co-scanning the good guys find a maybe traitor, one who intellectually says no but is weakening. Climax: the two co-reside in @darryl’s body for a little while, and have access to each other’s limbic responses and memories. The real final battle begins when @cameron makes @darryl face the one thing she has been blanking out on her whole life, the core of what has been driving her behavior. (@ruth et al, while definitely contributors, are off the hook on this one.)
->full flashbacks to the backstory and their childhoods, @mental hospital stay[s], etc


For a hypnosis script: I would like you to imagine yourself [six months frfom now, one year from now, and now because remember, set anchors & don’t overdo in the begin]

feel the joy tjht connnects to, and the eagerness to take action
feel your chosen new habit settle into place, so tht you don’ tthink about it
imagine what your life will be like when it is automatic, the benefits
imagine a time when it is a challenge, or an inconvenience
think of what it feels like when you cheat, the guilt, the rationalizations
which is not the same as the inevitable little ramping up stumbles

Notice the ease with which your thoughts and your personal power flow out of your lips and hands into the world, and become part of it, and change it for the better. Think of how right and good this process is, now natural that your thoughts inside and your actions outside flow from one to the other. Because you belong here, your power is part of the energy that makesk the world turn. The universe needs you, this life that is in you and emanates from you, this special movement of you that gives it a little push and keeps it turning.

Various mental images

A field of mountains, all jagged, beige rimmed with gold. Like teeth, their tips line up about evenly with each other, except for one, which is conspicuously prominent. All the way to the horizon goes the sea of jagged points. Nowhere to land, nowhere to rest, except for in the delicate cracks between them. In one crack is a grassy valley. Stone shoots high and seemingly straight up at its edges, and it goes clear through to a big patch of sky at the far end. The valley is carpeted with long, lush grass. Smaller stones dot the valley floor. The grass wraps around them, and over the tops of the shorter ones. In the center of the valley stands a huge natural stone monolith. It is rough and wide at the base, and slightly narrower near its flattened top. It reaches up into a deep, almost gemstone-bright blue sky. Some wisps of mist cling to it about three-fourths of the way up. A v formation of delicate white birds cuts through the mist, stirring and dissipating it with their wings. The birds fly on up the valley, with the two tails of the v fluttering like ribbons.

Calls from the birds, breeze blowing, sun beating down, smell and squish of humus underfoot, green smell of the grass and moist air

Closer to the monolith, you notice that although it is rough and hewn by nature, it has large carvings on the sides, too high and large to have been carved by humans. They are symbols, sent to you by a race of intelligences from the far side of the cosmos. They are reaching out to you to tell you how awesome you are. Think now of a symbol that makes you feel … It might be a familiar symbol, such as a cash icon or a peace sign. It might be the map outline of a country or state, or it might be a letter that stands for something,…

Confidence affirmations

Wrote these a week or so ago but didn’t think to post them.

Be proud to be who you are.
All those who respect you admire your success.
You rise to the occasion.
You are resourceful and resilient.
You have worked hard to develop your skills.
You are diligent about forming good habits.
You can handle w..r life throws at you, & come out on top.
You deserve to congratulate yourself.
Imagine your spine stretching up tall.
It is an honor to meet you.
Congratulations on your success.
Good people admire you. You are an admirable person.
You do not mind taking up space.
Hard decisions do not intimidate you.
Thank you for all the effort you put forth.
The extra care you take shows in your results.
You have what it takes to win.
Your excellent performance is repeated and reliable.
Challenges are no match for you.
Let yourself feel proud, you’ve earned it.
You are the one in control of your situation.
No one else decides what’s best for you.
No one dares to push you around.
You have the right to be treated with respect.
Boundary violations are to be taken very seriously.
When you walk into a room, you make an impact.
People see what you have accomplished, and they are pleased.
You raise the bar.
Those who truly see you see honest achievement.
You are not afraid to be authentic.
Your successes have been truly earned.
Self-respect is yours, regardless of what others say.
Honoring your own needs and wants is essential.
You know who you are, and you get what you want.
Excellence is an automatic, unconscious habit for you.
Build your own strength first, then take care of others.
You have strengths you’re not even aware of yet.
Your skills have become so automatic, you take them for granted.
You are an inspiration.
There is someone who looks up to you.
It is good and right that you value yourself.
You value your time, and expect others to as well.
You value your work, and expect others to as well.
You always do what you know is right.
You have every right to be here. You belong here.
You take action. You get results.
People like watching you work. You make it look easy.
Standing in your presence is an uplifting experience.
Getting to know you is exciting and rewarding.
You make the world a better place by being in it.
The moments when you shine show who you really are.
Challenges and inconveniences do not deter you.

Puffery and brain dump for hypno sessions

think of a place in your body that describes how you feel. Maybe you feel the emotion in a particular place in your body, or maybe there is an experience you have had that prompteds an association of this emotion with a prt of your body. Maybe you have heard someone say something like “love in your heart” or “hold your head high and proud.” …

Now I would like ou to take that same idea, of an emotion being located in your body, and expand it do that you sense your emotion somewhere in the room, or in the space around you iff you are outside. Even if you are not sure where the emotion is, try to feel where it is emanating from. Is it coming from inside of you, or outside of you? …

color, pitch…

Now go up and down your body, and notice any negative or positive physical sensations that you feel. Perhaps there is a painful spot, in your shoe or in your neck. Or perhaps there is a spot of pleasure, a cat in your lap or… or perhaps there is an allover ache frm having the flu, or a pleasant sensation from a recent activity or from something you have ingested. Notice any such feelings, be aware of them, and thi k of how they integrsate into your mental state and how they might be affecting your mood…

Remember, amazingness is a fractal phenomenon. It occurs at all levels and in all corners and permutations of reality. And you are a hot spot. You are an amazingness hot spot, a bright mandelbrot of awesomeness that affects all the colors around you, right from where you are, wherever you are, and at whatever it is that you do.

Think, now, of your infinite nature. Think of the strengths you have, the unique energy and goodness you bring to the table, and how it goes on and on, with more and more sources and permutations and flavors. Think of how when someone looks at you closely, they see good things, and when they look more closely, they see those good things resolve into many more good things, more good things about you blossoming into view the closer you look. You are a very good person, and someone can see that from up close, and from far away.

And you are the same person no matter how anyone looks at you. You are consistently who you are, purely and authentically, in your totality and all the way down to the tiniest, most precious detail. Everything flows from your true source, your authenticity, and your honesty with yourself and your respect for yourself. You may have different sides, and many details about you may be fascinating on their own, but in the end, you are always inescapably you from every angle, and at every level.

And as you go over your body…notice any feelings of helplessness, or disempowerment, or lack of resourcefulness that you may have. Notice any feelings that do not serve you, that are unwelcome, or that keep you trapped… It’s important not to judge yourself for them, or punish yourself for them. They do not mean you are weak, or that you are a willing victim. They are only states of mind, it is normal to experience them from time to time, and they can be changed if it benefits you to do so. If you are feeling fully empowered and resourceful, congratulate yourself.

If you are not, imagine now what it would feel like if you were totally and completely in your power right now. Put a bookmark on your disempowered feelings, and bring up an empowerd staste, and let yourself feel and expereince it for a moment. Feel your posture, and how you would hold your body if you were empowered right now, if you would be standing tall and proud, or taking up more space. Give yourself permission to do this. Think of how the scene in front of you would look, how it sparkles and glows when you are in your power and fully active. Think of how the air around you seems to burst with music, and how even commonplace sounds become melodic, when you are claiming your strength and taking action.

If it is uncomfortable for you, just put it on as if you were trying on some clothing, just to explore it for a moment. There is no pressure to suddenly change the way you feel. Just observe one, and then the other. Don’t worry, you won’t lose anything if the disempowered feelings slip away. You’re not obligated to feel that way. You’re not bad or irresponsible because you let them go.

Pointless random thoughts just to be writing something

I get creeped out in whole foods sometimes. the one on h street, the old one, i’m more okay with. I like how it’s been retrofitted into two storefronts from an expansion, the slightly grimy parking lot, the worn shelves. It reminds me of the little stores I shopped in in my 20s, the hippie “health food” stores that made our mean uncles shake their fists at the sky. The new one up off the B exit, though, I don’t like that one at all. It’s part of a big strip center, actually not a strip center anymore (those are quaint nowadays) but a block center, a big compound that also includes Five Guys and god knows what else. In turn it is part of a greater compound of tech buildings, apartments, and hotels that stretches for several miles, and is located just off the airport. Herds of burned out little code monkeys file through the hot food section as if somebody rang the high school class bell. That is your life. You will never leave this little two-and-a-half mile square, nor will you break out of the regimented routines that have been constructed for you here. You’ll think you’re changing the world, you’ll think you’re living this green, vibrant, organic life, but you’re just a cog. You have no real choices. How long until they set up sex this way, with some little storefront in the dark corner of this compound beside the loan services, or a standard issue sex doll that comes in the mail? They’ve already done it with medical care, so why not? That 2 1/2 mile on a side compound already has a kaiser emergencyb care or whatever it is. What is next, anyway? The incels are already pushing for it. MyRelationship, part of Miser Managed Kare 😦 Relationships are an important part of your long term mental health, and we here at Miser want to make sure you’re covered. Just fil out our (skewed, politicized, based on junk science) questionnaire, or submit to our creepy invasive brain scannning procedure (which is already part of your mental health checkup), and we’ll have you matched with a compatible partner in no time.

uplifts: a gray parrot couple arguing with an immature staff member, who suggests they name their (still in egg) chick “Paulie,” “after Paulie Shore” in complete defiance of how patronizing to the parrots this is. They’ve chosen a name such as “phoenix” that implies greatness (among other parrots, all the parrots are thinking along these lines), but it sounds “silly” to speciesist humans. OF course it’s a struggle over the ultimate image and reputation of the parrots as people, just as the bohemian rhapsody will be the single scene was a struggle over the image of the band and how they have the right to see themselves. It is extremely tempting for the humans to make plans for the uplifts and kid themselves that they’re helping, and a major way they do this is by pre-imaging societal roles for them. A lazily obvious role for an uplift is as carnival freak and glorified petting zoo. The father (the mother is sitting, could be “guru on the mountain” until the chick hatches either at denouement or as complication) is possibly progag’s assistant within the company. The couple (and possibly others) is offered a product endorsement deal from a cracker company, and they go livid. The company responds by upping the sum. At their lowest point, the at least one of the couple seriously considers it, because it would at least be a way out of the company (and therefore might save their lives).


The more I think about Eraserhead, the more I’m convinced there’s nothing weird about it whatsoever. When you’re trapped in that impo9verished landscape (the views I remember from the school bus in Stockton, egads), in a tiny, sensorially deprived space, with overwhelming, pointless obligations you don’t dare even question draining you dry, those are exactly the images that go through your mind as it collapses in on itself. The little characters that pop out at you, the overwrought scenarios of your own demise, the snakes and leeches that flit along the edges of your vision and seem to wrap around your ankles when you’re walking. As far as that goes, it’s just objective reporting.

In high school, I used to draw similar snake-like creatures. They were usually topped with a bloodshot eye (although occasionally lips), and had stiff hairs, and came out of cans, electrical outlets, and the like. Then I’d look at them and laugh. My blonde friend begged me to stop.

Possible tall tale

logan’s run rewrite: a youngish (55? 45?) woman, shortly after the milestone birthday, receives an unexpected cheerful text message from her insurance/health oirganizatin/ etc reminding her it’s time to staart gearing uip for her end-of-life care plan
she notices that “end oif life” is coming younger and younger,
is treated more and more callously, is more and more normalized,
there’s imbalances in access to currently available care
(i.e. the young stay younger and the elders age faster),
(in a scarcity environment, rationing could kind of make sense
although socialist,as the still young can regain the most
but, it can help elders reach the coming technologies,
which doesn’t help the young and makes that beside the point)
and there’s some suspicious timing going on:
the current (slightly rusheds) plan will phase out (i.e. kill) most of a certain generation just before the point
where extended lifespan technologies emerge to save everybody who’s alive then will dictate the (power) balance
of the population going forward, and the culture
(who is qualified/allowed to b e part of the future?)

possibly the technologies are not fda approved (by design),
b ut the wealthy and connected can go overseas to get them
and mc has been shut out of the wealth creation process
(interesting twist, not necessarily for this story:
she has gone through the proper channels all along,
but has been prevented due to ageism, sexism, etc
(and of course all the accompanying lies and blankouts),
and finally in desperation, grabs at a socialist measure
that she is ostensibly opposed to
because it is the only way forward open to her
amidst the more real and immediate hushed injustices
she faces in the fake meritocracy
(and in the long run, through her eyes, less unjust)


possible tall tale: “a little bird told me” (concept)

inspired by voytek’s course:
mc makes the awful misleading “How to make a mojito” video
“I took this awesome cruise with my friends, we had so much fin
I met this amazing bartender, he hs 40 yrs mojito making exper
and he is hot, I captured his knowledge for future generations
and there are some shots with me and my friends, to set the mood”
then the little bird shows them (in a pool reflection etc):
some viewers, same planet different universes
ex. a well dresssed successful black couple,
have just been pulled over for nth time (so are stressed out)
because cops figure he can afford to be milked for tickets,
fresh mint is a super special treat for them where they live, etc
dying for a drink, mc’s “how to” has bubbled to the top
nice couple goes understandably nuts waiting, (hit scrubber)
then recipe is too detailed and nitpicky to be useful
“Goddam youtube! Didn’t this say ‘how to make a mojito?!'”
** eddie murphy impression for the rant?
mc then argues with bird, “that was not my intention”
and all the ass covering bs that pppl cover their asses with
for sexual harassment, etc ->brainstorm pick 3
“If they can’t have a sehnse of humor
if they don'[t appreciate my friends blah blah
i thought they would enjoy seeing that
they don’t have enough patience
myn recipe is just better, they want to cut corners
my boyfriend/mom/etc liked it, whyh don’t they
i just wanted to put it out there, i didn’t mean ahything by it
but i went to all this work and made it extra special
there’s nothing bad in it, it’s not like child porn or anything
i could have put x in there, but i didn’t
they just don’t like me, it’s not about how i made the vid
it was just a five word title, don’t make a big deal
how was i supposed to know they wanted
to make a mojito right then and there
do I have to anticipate every scenario in which
somebody might whip out their phone and watch a video
if i was black they would have loved it
->at which point bird wins by some corrolary to godwin’s law”
(optional: mc is jealous over the guy,
woman whips out print recipe book and mc feels beaten
maybe even says “sdcrew this attention seeking bimbo let’s get in done”)
bird says “I know the video title made sense to y ou,
b ut you have to consider it vrom the viewer’s pov,
not just justify yourself and blame them
you have to ask how the communication is received,
not just tell them how they should have taken it”
parting shot: mc goes home and retitles the video
“how to really make a majito” and declares problem solved
(after “So how can I make it uip to them?”
“First, recut your video. Move the recipe to the front
and title it “Mojito micromixology with fun in the sun.”)